Ever by Meghan O'Rourke

Ever

 

Never, never, never, never, never.

—King Lear

 

Even now I can’t grasp “nothing” or “never.”

They’re unholdable, unglobable, no map to nothing.

Never? Never ever again to see you?

An error, I aver. You’re never nothing,

because nothing’s not a thing.

I know death is absolute, forever,

the guillotine—gutting—never to which we never say goodbye.

But even as I think “forever” it goes “ever”

and “ever” and “ever.” Ever after.

I’m a thing that keeps on thinking. So I never see you

is not a thing or think my mouth can ever. Aver:

You’re not “nothing.” But neither are you something.

Will I ever really get never?

You’re gone. Nothing, never—ever.