Ceremonial by Eduardo C. Corral

Ceremonial

                         Delirious,

touch-starved,

             I pinch a mole

                          on my skin, pull it

off, like a bead—

             I pinch & pull until

                          I am holding

a black rosary. Prayer

             will not cool

                          my fever.

Prayer will not

             melt my belly fat,

                         will not thin

my thighs.

                         A copper-

faced man once

             called me beautiful.

                         Stupid,

stupid man.

             I am obese. I am

                         worthless.

I can still feel

             his thumb—

                          warm,

burled—moving

             in my mouth.

                          His thumbnail

a flake

                          of sugar

he would not

             allow me to swallow.

                          Desperate

for the sting of snow

             on my skin,

                          rosary

tight in my fist,

              I walk into

                          a closet, crawl

into a wedding dress.

                         Oh Lord,

here I am.